Well, it seems everything is fine and I am living a while longer. With as much assurance as anyone else. But I have recently been dealing with an annoying reminder that I am mortal. Yes, in spite of all my best intentions with regard to diet, supplements and fitness I had to face the fact that I can't be all too sure I'll have at least another 45 years. Before I go on though it's important you know that I'm fine. For now. LOL, as far as I know.
It started with a routine doctor's exam including the whole breast thing. I have fibrocystic breast condition (FCC), which basically means the tissue is difficult to do a monthly on. There's always something. So when my doc found a lump I already knew it was there and I wasn't worried, but it had been a while so we decided it would be wise to get a mammogram. That was way back in April.
Another fine feature of FCC is it makes the tissue really hard to read. The tissue is dense making it whiter and anything that would be of any concern is also white. So it's kind of like looking for a polar bear in a blizzard. So we did an ultrasound on the lump and saw it was indeed just a cyst. Yay!! But the radiologist said he thought an MRI would be a good idea for me to get a baseline.
Ok. Except the insurance company didn't agree it was necessary, i.e, "we don't want to pay for it!" My primary care doc went to bat for me. It took us two months but finally I went in for the MRI. A week later I get a phone call. "We'd like to do another look with ultrasound at one particular area in the other breast. There have been changes since the mammogram you had 5 years ago." Oh really? This was Thursday and the appointment was scheduled for Monday.
Of course there was a dog show that weekend. I was a nervous wreck. In spite of my best efforts to be cool about it I found myself snapping at my kids over stupid things. I'm sure I snapped at lots of people without meaning to. The boobs were no big deal, right? But everything else then became enormously intolerable. sigh... Letting my human weakness go. But more on that later.
So then came Monday. Never saw this particular radiologist, just the tech who after she came back from seeing him and said, "You're fine. He just wants you to get another MRI in 3 months." He apparently couldn't bother with answering the obvious why that would come with that response. But I told myself I had made a big deal out of nothing.
That was almost 3 weeks ago. I came home on this past Thursday to a message to call the clinic where I had the original mammogram. Calcifications in the right breast. An MRI or ultrasound can't see those. You need to come in for another mammogram. blah!
So I went in yesterday. (Sidenote: It's completely amazing a breast can ever go back to its normal shape after being crushed by that machine. And whoever designs the stupid things seems not to realize most women have a head because the camera housing is right where that would be if we were even able to stand in a normal posture with a breast in the clamp. ow.) Yet another radiologist sat with me afterward and apologized for all the confusion. He says another MRI in 3 months is too soon but a mammogram and MRI in the spring would be wise. For while the calcifications appear benign breast cancer can be deceptive.
So I'm fine. For now.
Oh and the Lesson in Inspiration? I'm taking a medical terminology class. Loving it. I read this week that another word for inhalation is inspiration. Loving wordplay I have latched onto it. I am almost 46 and am still learning to be consciously grateful for every breath and every second chance (and 3rd and 4th and, yes, I probably need several more as flawed as I seem to be). To create, to experience, to learn and to be with those I love. Oh and to let go when I need to too. As you may have guessed the opposite of inspiration is expiration. And a necessary part of the whole living thing is remembering to exhale. Letting go of what no longer serves me. Not holding on to whatever belongs in the past. This way I have room for all that inspiration heading my way in whatever time I have left.
And that includes another dog show next weekend! Enumclaw with Rogue. It's going to be good. Whatever happens...
I happened to hear news from the families of the most outgoing kids in both of my litters. The first was from Zelda's mom and dad. Zelda (formerly known as Sara) was out of Celie and Rocky. The other was from Bonnie Storm's mom. Used to just be known as Storm and out of Kayla and Huxley. Boy does the name suit her! 11 days at sea! Yes. I am jealous! Seriously lucky dog.
Both of them I am so glad you love za babies. Thank you for giving them the best lives a dog could have!
Lynn and Lee write: "Zelda, or the Zellion, as we call her, is doing great. She's about 15-16 pounds (hard to tell because of wiggling on the scale at the vet's) and EXTREMELY energetic. She has discovered chairs and likes to jump on them as soon as we've gotten up. Here she is on her new outdoor "daybed." Her water dish is strategically placed so she doesn't have to get up to have a drink! Loves to chase balls (and birds!) and try to eat everything in sight and I will spare you the details. She's played well with others, including a big Australian shepherd and a Jack Russell puppy. She's learned to sit, come, stay, and lie down, and we're working on rolling over! Her favorite place to hang out is my closet under the hanging clothes, a big den instinct I guess. Her ears seem to get even bigger even though rest of her is too! "
Angela writes: "The Sailing Dog keeping watch!
Bonnie is quite the sea dog. We went on an 11 day sailing trip and she did great. She has good sea legs (she wears a life jacket when were under way), does some swimming off the boat. Fiona will be showing her in a few weeks at the San Juan County Fair, we will let you know how she does.
I really enjoy your blog, love the puppies and flowers!"