Well, it seems everything is fine and I am living a while longer. With as much assurance as anyone else. But I have recently been dealing with an annoying reminder that I am mortal. Yes, in spite of all my best intentions with regard to diet, supplements and fitness I had to face the fact that I can't be all too sure I'll have at least another 45 years. Before I go on though it's important you know that I'm fine. For now. LOL, as far as I know.
It started with a routine doctor's exam including the whole breast thing. I have fibrocystic breast condition (FCC), which basically means the tissue is difficult to do a monthly on. There's always something. So when my doc found a lump I already knew it was there and I wasn't worried, but it had been a while so we decided it would be wise to get a mammogram. That was way back in April.
Another fine feature of FCC is it makes the tissue really hard to read. The tissue is dense making it whiter and anything that would be of any concern is also white. So it's kind of like looking for a polar bear in a blizzard. So we did an ultrasound on the lump and saw it was indeed just a cyst. Yay!! But the radiologist said he thought an MRI would be a good idea for me to get a baseline.
Ok. Except the insurance company didn't agree it was necessary, i.e, "we don't want to pay for it!" My primary care doc went to bat for me. It took us two months but finally I went in for the MRI. A week later I get a phone call. "We'd like to do another look with ultrasound at one particular area in the other breast. There have been changes since the mammogram you had 5 years ago." Oh really? This was Thursday and the appointment was scheduled for Monday.
Of course there was a dog show that weekend. I was a nervous wreck. In spite of my best efforts to be cool about it I found myself snapping at my kids over stupid things. I'm sure I snapped at lots of people without meaning to. The boobs were no big deal, right? But everything else then became enormously intolerable. sigh... Letting my human weakness go. But more on that later.
So then came Monday. Never saw this particular radiologist, just the tech who after she came back from seeing him and said, "You're fine. He just wants you to get another MRI in 3 months." He apparently couldn't bother with answering the obvious why that would come with that response.
But I told myself I had made a big deal out of nothing.
That was almost 3 weeks ago. I came home on this past Thursday to a message to call the clinic where I had the original mammogram. Calcifications in the right breast. An MRI or ultrasound can't see those. You need to come in for another mammogram. blah!
So I went in yesterday. (Sidenote: It's completely amazing a breast can ever go back to its normal shape after being crushed by that machine. And whoever designs the stupid things seems not to realize most women have a head because the camera housing is right where that would be if we were even able to stand in a normal posture with a breast in the clamp. ow.) Yet another radiologist sat with me afterward and apologized for all the confusion. He says another MRI in 3 months is too soon but a mammogram and MRI in the spring would be wise. For while the calcifications appear benign breast cancer can be deceptive.
So I'm fine. For now.
Oh and the Lesson in Inspiration? I'm taking a medical terminology class. Loving it. I read this week that another word for inhalation is inspiration. Loving wordplay I have latched onto it.
I am almost 46 and am still learning to be consciously grateful for every breath and every second chance (and 3rd and 4th and, yes, I probably need several more as flawed as I seem to be). To create, to experience, to learn and to be with those I love. Oh and to let go when I need to too. As you may have guessed the opposite of inspiration is expiration. And a necessary part of the whole living thing is remembering to exhale. Letting go of what no longer serves me. Not holding on to whatever belongs in the past. This way I have room for all that inspiration heading my way in whatever time I have left.
And that includes another dog show next weekend! Enumclaw with Rogue. It's going to be good. Whatever happens...
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5 comments:
So glad to hear all is well with you. This middle-aged stuff is for the birds, that's for sure. I got a call earlier this year after my mammogram--"Can you come back in for some additional views?". Ugh. Not what you want to hear. I go in and they send the images to the radiologist who immediately calls down and says, "Don't let her leave--we need MORE views." In the end they decided everything was fine, but yes, it does make you realize you're mortal.
And I SO TOTALLY agree with you on the design of those machines--I've never had to contort my body in such ridiculous ways...let me guess...someone WITHOUT breasts designed them...
This is good news -- though a bummer trying to find out what was happening. This last year was the first time I'd ever been called back for a "better look" (ultrasound). I was terrified because my mom died of breast cancer. Everything turned out to be fine and my doc said that nearly half the time, a woman is called back in for further checking. At least he didn't become patronizing and say, "so you shouldn't worry".
Wish they'd invent a prostateogram machine. I bet it would have cushioning and be positioned so it could be easily reached if you just dropped your pants:)
Being in the medical field, I feel your pain. I wish I could tell you that radiology and pathology were exact sciences, and that we get it right everytime, but they arent - and we dont.
My advice is keep up with your appointments (dont EVER think you can skip this one and 'do it later') and if you ever feel that something is wrong, go have it checked out. Early detection, if something does go haywire, is WAY better to deal with than the alternative.
I care about you girl! I am glad that you are on top of things. FCC doesnt sound fun on any level.
See you at Enumclaw!
Thanks everyone. Yeah, I understand about it not being an exact science. And absolutely it's best to keep double checking.
I guess what amazed me the most is that there was a lot of emotion that went along with all this that I couldn't seem to outsmart.
I've decided I will schedule the MRI/mammogram for *after* the Nationals. Right after, but still after. LOL
I'm VERY glad to hear that you're ok, my friend... not sure how I managed to miss this post. :(
Against my doctor's advice, I went in for a baseline mammogram. I've known too many women who had breast cancer who were under 40.
Glad you're learning through the process too... way to turn the situation into a learning lesson! :)
My thoughts are with you...
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